If you are my God,
get me out of the game.
The dices are fixed.
I can’t reach the other pawns.
They are all having jobs, friends, wives, a baby.
Sometimes it drives me crazy.
Then I want to do your job,
take a life.
I used to go wandering through the old oakwood.
The trees were barren and old,
casting ghastly shadows on the ground.
Once, was told, several people hang themselves here.
I talk to their spirits.
‘Be done with it, lad, it’s much pleasanter on this side of existence.’
‘Be brave, do it, do it tonight.’
‘You bring a noose now do you?’
I leave the ghosts. Undecided.
I remember this when I lay in the clinic.
Depressed in isolation. Iron determination to make this my endgame.
I collected all the knowledge necessary.
But a strange force keeps me pushing forwards.
If I only can go on weekend this time.
Two days away of that gruesome place,
where people treat you as furniture.
‘Lad, aren’t you coming, we have plenty of ale here,’
a ghost with a large beard said next to me.

Overdose – about life

Melissa is dead. She took an overdose heroine on her room.

We are all shaken up wen they drove her off on a cart with a sheet as cover.

A strand of her grey blonde hair was visible. It was like experiencing in slow motion.

Her dad had sexually abused her when she was nine. She ran away from home at sixteen, hot hooked on heroine and sold her body.

Melissa fell in love with an alcaholic painter.

There relationship took long enough to get her pregnant.

Social services took away her child from her immidiately.

From then on she was in and out hospitals.

We weren’t friends Melissa. You turned the group against me. But such fate deserves no one.

Rest In Peace,

your struggle is over.

The medical staff has been questioned by the police but nobody could tell where she purchased the dope.

They also told them she had regular urinetests and everybody thought she was clean. It takes just once for things to end badly.

Life is unpredictable in that way.